


you hold my heart (but its broken now) you'll hold it for always (and im not sure if that's a good thing yet)

by namedawesome (davethetennant)



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, How Do I Tag, I'm Sorry, Introspection, Sad Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 14:37:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15293664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/davethetennant/pseuds/namedawesome
Summary: Lucifer knelt on the floor, the Detective cradled against him, ignoring the fact that Daniel was trying to wake Marcus Pierce. He knew the two of them wouldn't wake for at least a few minutes, and Daniel's attempts were starting to annoy him.





	you hold my heart (but its broken now) you'll hold it for always (and im not sure if that's a good thing yet)

**Author's Note:**

> An add-on to 3x18. Sorry, its sad...

Lucifer knelt on the floor, the Detective cradled against him, ignoring the fact that Daniel was trying to wake Marcus Pierce. He knew the two of them wouldn't wake for at least a few minutes, and Daniel's attempts were starting to annoy him.

Instead, he focused on Chloe. Her even breathing, the weight of her against his chest, how her body fit against his like they were made for each other (and here he had to stop himself from glaring at his father, for giving him this, her, and then making it so he could never have her). She shuffled against him, like she was trying to wake herself, and turned sideways in his arms. One of her hands came up, trying to push him away, fight back against her attacker, so he cradled her head and shushed her.

“It's alright, darling… you're safe, Detective…” he told her, and she relaxed against him with a sigh and gripped at the lapel of his jacket. He slipped his arms around her, and hauled her into his arms. When he stood, her head was on his shoulder and she was curled towards him as she laid in his arms.

“You gonna come back and help me with Pierce?” he heard Daniel ask. 

He didn't look away from Chloe’s face, but he replied, “Peirce is a big boy, he can take care of himself…” He paused, wanting nothing more than to take the Detective away from this house, with these rocks (which were weird and stupid and simple like Cain himself) but he added, so the Detective’s hard work would not go to waste, “Perhaps handcuff our murderer to something? Just in case he wakes while you're fawning over your Lieutenant…”

He didn't wait for Daniel to reply, heard and ignored the scoff he'd been given, but he didn't have the energy to respond. He carried her from the house to the van he and Daniel had been in. He sat with her in his arms, knowing that this might be the last moment he had with her like this. Quiet and just them. He was, at his core, a selfish man, so he let himself breathe her in. The scent of her hair, the feel of her in his arms, her breath against his neck. 

She shifted again, and he knew she was waking. He rubbed her back as she came to, talking to her, letting her know that she was safe with him. That she would always be safe with him. And when she finally opened her eyes, he let himself breathe a sigh of relief, and without thinking he kissed her forehead.

He felt her freeze and sighed again, this time in shame. He shouldn't have done that, but he had been so relieved to see her eyes open and looking up at him, he’d forgotten. Forgotten that he didn't deserve her, that he was barely fit to be in her presence, barely deserved to walk the ground she stood on. She was his everything, his moon and stars and night sky, the sun, the universe, his almighty, as it were. And he, the Devil, the Adversary, Lucifer Morningstar in all his power, was prepared to lay everything he was down at her feet. All she ever had to do was ask.

He sat her down on the edge of the van next to him, and didn't let himself look at her. He couldn't let himself take any comfort from the sight of her alive and well, because he didn't deserve to be comforted, she was the one who needed it and here he was again being selfish. He busied himself with grabbing a bottle of water for her from the small cooler that Daniel had insisted on bringing with them. He watched her feet instead of her face, because if he looked in her eyes he would kiss her or something and, really, that would ruin everything. She didn't want him anymore, probably never actually wanted him in the first place, only thought she did, but he wouldn't ruin what they had now. He would hold it tight and do his best to stop it from slipping through his fingers…

But even that was something he'd always been rubbish at. He destroyed everything he touched, everything he loved, and so… He should probably get as far away from her as possible, move so far away that she would never hear of him again. Perhaps go back to Hell and stay in his dark and torturous kingdom for all eternity and rot there like he deserved. He couldn't. Not while she walked the earth. He would stay by her side until she told him to leave her be. And she would one day, he knew. She would look at him and her eyes would see what everyone else did, and she would call him all the things he deserved to be called, and then she would tell him to leave and never come back. And so he would, all because she asked it of him.

She placed a hand on his arm, startling him enough that his eyes met hers. “Thank you,” she told him. He shook his head at her, and looked down at his hands. He didn't deserve her gratitude, couldn't except it. He opened his mouth to brush it off, but he couldn't get the words past the lump in his throat. Instead, his hand covered hers, where it still laid on his arm, and he squeezed it lightly. 

He let her take comfort from him as she leaned into his side. He saw Daniel and Pierce come out of the house, dragging the killer between them. They loaded him into the cop car that had just pulled up, and turned to find the two of them leaning against each other, because no matter what happens between them, Lucifer will always be drawn to her. And if she's leaning against him, he will lean back, and his arm will go around her just like it always has.

Pierce was frowning at them, but Chloe didn't pull away, so neither did Lucifer. He still wouldn't look at her, and when her head settled deeper into the curve of his shoulder, he only allowed himself a moment of breathing in the scent of her hair. He did however, let his chin rest against her head, because he was selfish and if she wanted his comfort or support he would damn well give it to her. 

By the end of the night, when their statements were given and their suspect had confessed, proud of his crimes, Lucifer knew that he and the Detective should part ways. He has a club to run, after all. And she has her Spawn (who he misses, just the tiniest amount, because he hasn't seen her since the night he was the shoe… and that's something he doesn't miss at all). 

(Sometimes lying to himself is so very difficult, but if he doesn't then he knows with every fiber of his being that he will break. He will break so severely that only the Detective could help him. And he knows that she wouldn't, because he doesn't deserve it, never has, never will, and he can tell that she knows it.)

So he watches her go, like he had the night she had gone to that concert with Pierce. His heart being dragged behind her on a string, gathering dust and debris, catching against rocks and gaining cuts along the way. But he stares after her for the longest time, even after she's gone. He knows, in the deepest part of him, that he will always be watching her leave. And when she leaves him for the final time, to go to the one place he cannot follow, he will allow himself to break.


End file.
